What Do You Do?
As I get older, I find more and more people asking me this question in social situations. I wish people would ask the more appropriate, "What is it that you do to earn an income?" That I can answer, because when most people ask, "What do you do?", what they reall mean is, "What is it that you do that is also your primary vocation of choice?" I hate answering it. What I do, what I am, and what I do to get by are not the same.
What I usually say—and feel dumb about—is: "I work for a Web-based computer-type company in Manhattan." But does that answer the question? No. What I do is write and create and interact and plan and oh yeah, I work for a Web-based, computer-type company in Manhattan so I can pay the bills and buy food.
I don't begrudge that. I am content as long as I have sufficient time to do the things I really enjoy.
Does anyone share this annoyance? You self-employed freelancers out there—and I know a few—would, I assume, find the question less awkward and more truthfully answered? Or what do you say when this question is posed to you?
Word of the Day
Why do so many people stroll the supine path of conformity and, in effect, "sell their dreams for small desires"?
What I usually say—and feel dumb about—is: "I work for a Web-based computer-type company in Manhattan." But does that answer the question? No. What I do is write and create and interact and plan and oh yeah, I work for a Web-based, computer-type company in Manhattan so I can pay the bills and buy food.
I don't begrudge that. I am content as long as I have sufficient time to do the things I really enjoy.
Does anyone share this annoyance? You self-employed freelancers out there—and I know a few—would, I assume, find the question less awkward and more truthfully answered? Or what do you say when this question is posed to you?
Word of the Day
Why do so many people stroll the supine path of conformity and, in effect, "sell their dreams for small desires"?
posted by Jeff LaSala at 2:49 PM
7 Comments:
Sure, in the throes of my early "midlife" crisis - am I a doctoral candidate? am I writing my dissertation? am I employed? am I employable? what am I doing that is meaningful with my life? etc., etc. - I found it difficult to respond to the question, "What do you do?" At one point, I was wearing so many hats - associate instructor in the English Department, doctoral student in the Department of Comparative Literature, part-time career counselor and program assistant in the business school, full-time job seeker, etc. - that my response to the question depended on the context in which the question was being asked: I do (blank) here, but in the other part of my life I (blank). It got more than a little confusing, mainly because I was trying to make decisions about what I wanted to do and certain responses didn't always feel right to me. Still, I think the self-consciousness (which, to my mind, is what you're describing) comes from me and not from the person asking the question. I mean, it's a casual enough question, generally intended as a means to try to establish some sort of connection so that a more meaningful conversation can begin. Any other intent or judgement on the questioner's part is his/her problem and not something that I can (or want to) control. Whatever I add to the question and its response is my problem to work out since what I'm doing and what I feel about that are things that I do have more control over.
At this point, my first inclination is to answer that question with "I'm a writer." It covers both my 9-5 and my eventual career goal. Perhaps by this time next year, I'll upgrade that to "I'm an author."
True, this kind of thing is generally just small talk which, in itself, I find annoying. Mostly it's just filler, not really even intended to trigger a more meaningful conversation. It's just what people ask.
But you're right, Jen. There's a whole number of variants of this question, depending on your age category or your marital status. I suppose it's just a matter of time before I find out what the questions are in the next phase.
And yeah, Darren, I sympathize with your plight there. Even if I was successful in my true interests (writing fiction, namely fantasy), and I said that's what I did for a living, it wouldn't garner too much respect. Such things will always be considered "play time" by many people. Not a *real* job.
So, in conclusion, small talk sucks. :) Avoid social interaction altogether!
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Just so you know, I am one of those wackos who uses small talk to dig for more interesting things to talk about. Of course, you realize, Jeff, that whenever we catch up with you next month, conversation will just have to be immediately directed to tough questions of a deeply philosophical nature and screw the small talk.
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SHOOT! I hit the trash can.
I am a freelancer, and I DO like the question "What do you do," though it usually comes with a bevvy of other questions that I've answered a million times already.
But honestly, I've never minded the question. Sure, I had to say "I work in the housewares department of a gourmet grocery", when I could have said "I bide time until I can use my personal website that I update on a daily basis as a viable means of self promotion and revenue gain." but I didn't. Because both were true.
I think that people that say "I'm this but I actually do this" come off as a bit pretentous. I mean, afterall, does it really matter? I think that the hidden thought of "Yeah, but I really do this" is the drive that lets you get to that point. In part, it certainly was for me.
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